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The Army just gave a bunch of soldiers a shit-brown beret to wear

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The U.S. Army just authorized a shit-brown colored beret for soldiers to wear.

The 1st Security Force Assistance Brigade, a new unit the Army created to train and advise Afghan troops to inevitably lose the war there, will be the lucky recipients of the ugly-as-fuck new headwear, according to Army Times.

“The beret, flash and uniform patches are a recognition of the heritage of military training and advising, codified as a professional Army community,” Army Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Milley said in a statement. The beret’s colors are also a recognition, in my opinion, of what a shitty mission these guys have to deal with.

That mission entails being sent to Afghanistan to advise and train their military, which sounds like a whiz-bang new thing, but we’ve actually been doing it for about 15 years (almost got the hang of it!).

Since it’s a beret — and the Army loves its freaking berets — there was a big outcry once soldiers and veterans learned SFAB was going to get one. It was initially colored green, thus inspiring Change.org petitions and angry rants on Special Forces message boards.

So then they decided to change it to the color of feces, because that color always inspires pride. The Army said in a statement announcing it that “the brown beret symbolizes dirt or mud akin to the ‘muddy boots’ moniker given to leaders who are always out with the troops.”

Uh huh. Okay.

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